Simplify
by hyrew
Summary: Nick and Jeff only have each other. They spent their entire lives shutting out everyone else. They were living in their perfect little world, but what happens when it starts to fall apart around them? Trigger warning.
1. Lately I have Realized

(A.N:/ Okay, so basically I was listening to the song "Simplify" by "Marina and the Diamonds" and for some reason part of this story idea suddenly came into my mind and wouldn't leave so I mixed it together with another story idea I've been wanted to do to make a hybrid story. Ha, and then I thought to myself, "you know what Megan, this would make one Hell of a Niff story!" But then again, what doesn't make for an awesome Niff story? Ha, anyway, enough with me and my rambling…hope you enjoy!)

_My entire life it had just been Nick and myself. Nick and I have been together since before I can even remember. Both our parents were always away at work, leaving us in my mansion with our nanny. Our nanny never cared for us. She never fed us, or bathed us, put us to bed, even spoke to us. She was always too busy stealing things from the house. She always put on this fake smile whenever she saw either Nick or I, but we knew it was an act. It was always an act. She didn't even bother to learn either of our names, which was fine with us, we didn't need her. After all we had each other. Each other and only each other. It's all we needed. All we ever needed._

"I got an e-mail from Gretchen last night." Jeff said, poking out his blond head from underneath the blanket.

"Oh?" Nick replied, just waking up.

"She thinks 'it's in our best interest' if we attend school this year."

Nick snorted. "Since when has she ever cared? I'm surprised she even bothered e-mailing."

"Right," Jeff began, "Maybe she's trying to win 'mother of the year' I don't see why she cares suddenly." Jeff said with a bitter laugh.

Nick wrapped his arms around Jeff tightly. "Besides, we are going to school. We have a tutor."

Jeff laughed lightly, snuggling his chin into the crook of Nick's neck. "Gretchen said that not talking during homeschool is the same thing as not going."

"Then we've been wasting five hours a day the last ten years. I'm assuming the last tutor quit and that's why Gretchen sent you the e-mail?"

"She mentioned something like that in the e-mail."

"So has she gotten us another tutor?"

"She said she wouldn't until we started cooperating…I don't see the point though."

Nick moved his hand to grasp Jeff's. "So that means we're done with annoying, know-it-all, tutors? Right?"

Jeff smiled when he felt Nick grab his hand. He squeezed Nick's hand lightly. "Hopefully. It's not like we use them anyway. They're just a waste of our time."

"And our money."

Jeff laughed. "Not ours, Gretchen and Robert's. Honestly, I'm waiting for them to give up hope like Linda and Nicholas did."

"Gretchen and Robert are just stubborn. They 'want what's best'." Nick said with a laugh.

Jeff returned the laugh with his own. "Well then they should just leave us alone." Jeff moved his head up and kissed Nick lightly. "They just don't understand."

"And they probably never will."

"I know."

"So," Nick began, "If we have no tutor, that means we have nothing to do today?"

"So we can lay in bed all day."

Nick smiled fondly at Jeff. "Great."

"Nicky?"

"Yeah Jeffy?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"I know." Jeff said, cuddling closer to the brunet. "Let's go back to sleep."

"Fine by me."

A few hours later the two were up and showered. "What would you like to do today Nick?" Jeff asked, sitting down on the bed.

"Whatever you would like to." Nick said, handing his tie to the blond. The blond took the tie and wrapped it around Nick's neck, tying it. Nick then did the same procedure with Jeff. The two both wore black, custom made suits with black ties to match.

Nick grabbed a hair brush off their night-stand and fixed Jeff's hair. Jeff did the same to Nick. The two always helped each other get ready. They were practically one person. They did everything together, and were never separated.

"I think we're ready to leave." Jeff said, giving both of them a once-over.

Nick nodded in agreement. "Lead the way." He said as the two linked arms and walked out of their bedroom. The two made their way out the door and got in their limo.

"Hello Master Nick, Master Jeff."

The two didn't respond. They never responded to any one but each other and never spoke in the presents of others. Every one just assumed they were mute. They usually didn't even acknowledge the existence of other people.

"The usual place?" The limo driver asked, knowing he wouldn't get a response. He then started the limo and drove them to the park. The two got out, arm in arm the entire time, and walked over to a bench where they sat down.

Neither of them said anything for some time, even though no one was around. Finally Jeff spoke. "This is where it all began." Neither of them made eye contact with each other.

Nick took Jeff's hand in his own and gave it a squeeze. "Where we first met."

Jeff didn't speak, he only squeezed Nick's hand.

"…Our favourite place in the world…" Nick said, more to himself than to Jeff.

"Our favourite place in the world." Jeff replied stoically. "Nick?"

"Yes?"

Jeff finally looked up to see Nick doing the same. The two looked each other in the eye. "Promise me something?"

"That we'll never leave each other?"

"That we'll never leave each other."

Nick laughed bitterly. "I wouldn't dream of it. Not even in my worst nightmares."

Jeff smiled softly, a look of sadness still in his eyes. "Good….And Nick?"

"Yes Jeff?"

"Let's go to the country this summer."

Nick looked at Jeff, slightly confused. "The country?"

"Yes. I heard it's beautiful."

Nick squeezed Jeff's hand tightly and smiled at the blond. "Of course. We'll go to the country this summer. It'll be nice to get out of the city for a little while."

"Just the two of us."

"Just the two of us." Nick repeated.

"We go here every day." Jeff said.

"Ever since we first met."

"And we sit here."

"In the exact spot that we first met."

"Every day…"

"For the last fourteen years."

"Why do we do it Nick?"

"The same reason we have this conversation every day Jeff."

"So we don't forget."

"So we don't forget."

"We even say the same words…"

"That we do."

"Nick?"

Nick was taken aback slightly by the sound of his name. It wasn't the next line that Jeff always said. "Y-yeah Jeff?"

"How do you know if you're happy?"

Nick didn't reply for a few minutes. He mauled over the question before saying, "I don't really know, I suppose you just…know Jeff."

"I want a different life Nick." Jeff said as he rested his head on Nick's shoulder. "A new life…in the country."

Nick squeezed Jeff's hand a litter tighter. "We'll get out of the city Jeff."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"I love you Nick."

"I love you too Jeff."

"Never stop Nick."

"I wont."

"Thank you."

"Would you like to go now? It's getting a little cold."

Jeff nodded. "Let's go back home."

Nick gave Jeff a reassuring hand squeeze. "Maybe Gretchen sent us another e-mail?" Nick said, trying to boost Jeff's spirits.

Jeff snorted. "I don't see why she wastes her time. I've never replied to a single one of them."

"Step-moms always try to pretend like they care about their step-children. It's all an act."

"She's a lot more persistent than the last four."

"Don't worry, she'll leave us alone soon enough."

"I wish Robert and Linda would just marry. Then we wouldn't have to deal with annoying step-parents. We would just have two instead of four."

"We'd also be step-brothers. It'd be like taboo to love your step-brother the way I love you."

Jeff laughed bitterly. "Isn't our entire life like taboo?"

Nick laughed. "There isn't anything wrong with us though…It's the rest of the world that's messed up."

"That's why we don't deal with them."

"Because we don't need them."

"Or want them."

"We're better off without them."

"Without any one." Nick said as he gave Jeff another squeeze.

"We're fine by ourselves." Jeff said returning the squeeze.

"I love you Jeff."

"I love you too Nick."

"Jeff?"

"Yes Nick?"

"…Have you every thought about how different everything would be if we didn't have each other? If we never met each other."

"I'd be dead."

"Me too."

_We spent our entire lives together. Ignoring the outside world. Not letting them in our world. The world that we created for each other. We never needed any one else. We never wanted any one else. We just needed each other. We just wanted each other. We were fine on our own. We leaned to take care of each other. We learned to care about no one but each other. We learned to love no one but each other_

(A.N:/ If you've ever heard the song that I mentioned in the first place, it isn't really about the same thing that this story is. Though, there are a few lyrics mixed in the conversation…Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter! :D Honestly, I have no clue how many chapters this will be…XOXO)


	2. We'd be Fine by Ourselves

(A.N:/ The title is a line from the song "Bad Kidz" By "Marina and the Diamonds". This chapter has a trigger warning, so be forewarned. Anyway, enjoy!)

Jeff sighed deeply as he glanced over at a sleeping Nick before gazed down at his naked body in the full-length mirror. His eyes hardened when he saw that almost every inch of his body was littered in scars, his arms being the worst. He reached into his nightstand and grabbed a small razor. He held it lightly in his hand, inspecting it, for a few moments. He glanced behind him to look at Nick, who was still sleeping, and for a moment debated putting the razor back in the nightstand. He put the razor down and sighed, lowering his head. He took another deep breath and quickly took the razor back into his hand and began flicking it against his skin. Again, and again, and again, for some time until most of his forearm was covered in fresh cuts. He repeated the same process on his right thigh before he finally put the razor back in it's place.

"Mmhh" A tired Nick mumbled as he rolled over a bit, searching for Jeff's body.

Jeff laughed lightly at the sight. "You aren't going to find me, Nick."

Nick huffed a little before opening his eyes lazily. He saw Jeff, naked, with his back facing him, sitting on the edge of their bed. "Then come back to bed." The brunet whined.

"It's time to get up." Jeff said, not turning around.

Nick frowned, starting to get an idea as to what was going on. "Jeff."

"Yes, Nick?"

"I thought you were going to stop."

"I did stop."

"I meant for good. Not for a little while."

"I know."

"I want you to stop doing this to yourself Jeff."

"You're acting like I'm doing something wrong."

"Because you are, Jeff. You're hurting yourself."

"I'm letting myself feel."

"Feel what? Pain?"

"Anything." Jeff said dully.

Nick frowned, wrapping his arms around Jeff's waist. "You're hurting me too, Jeff." Jeff didn't respond. "Hey, let's check our e-mail, shall we?" Nick said, trying to change the subject. The two hated talking about Jeff's cutting, it was the only time they ever disagreed on anything.

"Yeah…" Jeff said as Nick let go of his waist and got up to grab their laptop. A few minutes later the two were mocking Gretchen's most recent e-mail.

"You know for someone who 'really cares for us' you'd think she would try harder than with these stupid e-mails."

"If she really cared she'd leave us alone."

"She acts like we need fixed."

"Like we're broken."

"Like we need help."

"Like we need anything."

"Or any one." Nick said.

"She couldn't be more wrong."

"At least she isn't here anymore."

"She talked so much."

"All she did was talk."

"To us."

"About absolutely nothing."

"As if we really cared about her."

"Or any one."

"But each other."

"She's sent us an e-mail every day since she married Robert."

"She's rather strange, isn't she?"

"She is."

"I'm glad she's gone now."

"I am too." Nick replied. He glanced over at Jeff and smiled. "Shouldn't you be getting dressed now? After all, you're the one who said that it was 'time to get up'." Nick said, smirking.

Jeff smiled lightly back at Nick. "I never said it was time to get ready to go anywhere though."

"But it is time to clean you up." Nick said, noticing how Jeff's blood was beginning to dry. "You start the shower and I'll go get our clothes out for the day."

Jeff smiled fondly at Nick. "I think today is more of a bath day, but alright."

Nick smiled back at Jeff. "A bath is just as fine." Nick got up from the bed and walked over to their closet while Jeff walked into the bathroom. A few moments later the two were back together. Nick smiled as he looked at Jeff. "You're absolutely stunning, you know that?"

"I'm not half as beautiful as you." Jeff said as he began to unbutton Nick's shirt. Nick took his boxers off and got in the tub. Jeff followed.

"Nick?"

"Yes?"

"What would you like to do today?"

Nick laughed lightly. "What we do every day, I suppose."

Jeff frowned a little. "What about…something new?"

"What did you have in mind?"

"A Picnic."

Nick looked at Jeff with a slight shocked look. "A picnic?"

"Yes, a picnic. I once read that they were…fun."

"Oh, and where would this…picnic take place?"

"Anywhere you'd like it to be. The park perhaps?"

"I'm surprised. Usually you don't like going out."

"I know. I'd just like to maybe try something new."

"…Jeff?" Nick asked as he took Jeff's hands in his own.

"Yes Nick?"

"You love me, right?"

"Of course I do."

"And you know I care about you?"

"Yes."

"And you know that if anything was wrong to come to me, right?"

"Of course, where else would I go?"

Nick paused for a moment before speaking again. "…We tell each other everything, right?"

"Of course we do. We're always together and we keep no secrets."

"…Then…are you alright?"

"Of course I am. Why would you think any differently?"

"Because you've been acting different…secretive even. And you seem to become more and more depressed with each passing day."

Jeff squeezed Nick's hands and smiled at the brunet. "I'm fine Nick. You're always so overprotective of me. As if I'm a priceless faberge egg that could be broken at any moment."

Nick returned Jeff's squeeze. "Because you are."

Jeff frowned. "I thought we agreed not to speak of it."

Nick frowned. "You've been getting worse."

"No, you think I've been getting worse."

"Jeff, you have multiple myeloma. You can't just ignore that."

"I'm not ignoring it…I just choose to spend my last years here with you, not thinking about it. Now, you're upsetting me, can we talk about something else?"

Nick squeezed Jeff's hands again. "I don't want to lose you."

"I know you don't."

"You're…everything to me."

"And you're everything to me Nick."

Nick sighed. "Maybe we shouldn't go on a picnic today. You have your doctors appointment today and we haven't been to visit the park yet today." Jeff looked away from Nick. "We can do it tomorrow."

"Yeah…tomorrow."

"Now," Nick began, "We should probably get out and get dressed. It's already one in the afternoon and the doctor will be here at three."

Jeff huffed. "I don't see the point in having a doctor. It's just taking away from our time together."

"No, he's giving us more time together. Without him you would only have four years."

"We always said we would be fine by ourselves."

"Well as much as I hate to admit it, we need him too."

"Just him."

"No one else."

"But him."

"Right."

"Right."

"But you still haven't answered my question."

"And what was your question?"

"Are you alright?"

"I will be as soon as this is all over."

"We don't know when it'll be 'all over' Jeff. You never know, maybe we'll both grow old together."

"My cancer will kill me before I hit twenty."

"You don't know that."

"It's been six in a half years. The longest I'm supposed to live is seven."

"But you can still walk and get around on your own. Most people would have severe bone pain by now."

"How do you know that?"

"The doctor said so."

"So you're listening to what he says? I thought we simply ignored him."

"Just because neither of us speak to him doesn't mean we should ignore him."

"…I know…"

"So how are you feeling today?" Nick asked, concerned.

Jeff frowned. "I'd be better if you wouldn't worry so much."

"I love you, I can't help but worry."

Jeff sighed. "I know…"

"So, how are you feeling?"

"Tired and annoyed."

Nick frowned. "I know you don't like talking about it but…but neither of us know how much time we have left. For all we know you could die tomorrow and-"

"If I die, you die." Jeff said, finishing Nick's sentence.

"Exactly. We both know I can't live without you. I'd be dead without you."

"So you want to be dead with me."

"That's what we agreed on six years ago."

"Yes it was."

"It's sad really."

"What is?"

"That death is trying to separate us."

"Like fate is trying to tell us we should be apart."

"It's impossible to tear us apart."

"Whether it's life or death."

"We'll always be together." Nick said as he finished brushing his hair. He helped Jeff tie his tie and the two left the bathroom.

"I don't know why I'm wearing this suit right now, the doctor will just have me take it off when he gets here."

"Ah, but the one thing Robert taught us: never be seen in anything less than your best."

"The one useful thing he's ever told us."

"The one useful thing that anyone has ever told us."

"We have another hour before the doctor arrives. How would you like to spend it?"

"With you." Nick said, leaning over to gently kiss Jeff.

"Obviously. We spend all day together."

"Then let's begin planning our trip to the country this summer?"

Jeff smiled dully. "Sure, that would be great."

Nick smiled at Jeff and squeezed his hand. "Every thing will be alright Jeff."

"Oh?"

"Yeah."

"And how do you know?"

"I just know it will."

_We spent our entire lives together. Ignoring the outside world. Not letting them in our world. The world that we created for each other. We never needed any one else. We never wanted any one else. We just needed each other. We just wanted each other. We were fine on our own. We learned to take care of each other. We learned to care about no one but each other. We learned to love no one but each other._

(A.N:/ Sorry I didn't update yesterday! When I do multi-chapter fics I try to update everyday if I can…I also most likely wont be updating again tomorrow (aka later today…) Just an fyi. I'll try to update with chapter three soon! :D XOXO)


	3. Oh I beg, I beg and Plead

"Jeff." Nick said, hugging the blond from behind.

"Nick." Jeff said as he continued to brush his hair.

"I love you."

"I love you too." Jeff wiggled around for a moment in Nick's arms until he was facing the shorter brunet. He smirked at Nick. "You know we still have some time before the doctor comes."

Nick kissed Jeff lightly on the forehead. "You know we don't have that much time."

"Then we'll let him walk in on us." Jeff said passionately kissing Nick.

Nick broke away from the kiss after a few moments, frowning. "No. Not again Jeff."

"Why?" Jeff pouted.

"Because I'm not fucking you in front of that old man again." Jeff opened his mouth to speak but Nick spoke again. "And you're not fucking me in front of him."

Jeff frowned. "You're no fun." He said kissing Nick once more before walking over to the bed and sitting down.

"I'm loads of fun." Nick said, taking a seat next to the blond and taking his hand in his own. "Just not right now."

"Because you're worried about me."

"Right."

"You shouldn't be worried Nick."

"I have to be."

"Why's that?" Jeff asked, confused.

"Because you're not. I have to be worried for the both of us."

Jeff squeezed Nick's hand. "Don't be like that Nicky."

Nick couldn't help but smile at the old nick name. "It's sad how you're the one who's sick and you're taking care of me…I'm supposed to be taking care of you."

Jeff smiled fondly at Nick. "We both look out for each other."

"Because no one else will."

"Because we need no one else."

"We only need each other."

"We only need each other."

The two then heard a dull knocking at their front door. A moment later they heard the clinking sounds of their maids heels. The door opened and they heard an older voice, male, which was followed by footsteps getting closer to their door. There was a knock on their bedroom door and the door began to open. "I hope you two are decent this time." The older man said as he popped his head in. Nick and Jeff didn't bother looking at him, they kept their eyes on the floor, still holding each other's hands tightly. The doctor sighed in relief when he saw that the two boys were clothed. "So, how are you feeling today Mr. Sterling?" He asked casually as he began rifling through his bag.

Neither of the two responded.

The doctor, being used to the two's silence, ignored the lack of response and continued speaking. "Mr. Sterling. What we're going to be doing today is just some simple tests. I've been comparing the results of your older tests and you're starting to get worse. I know I've said this many times before but this time I am very adamant of recommending that you start treatment."

No response.

The doctor pulled out some charts and looked them over again. "Just looking at last months charts to last weeks I can see that you are getting worse. I don't think you understand the severity of your condition, Mr. Sterling. Every day that you refuse treatment your chances of survival grow weaker and weaker. If you want to even have a fighting chance we need to start now." He was beginning to sound annoyed, possibly even angry by the end of his speech.

No response. Neither of the two said a thing. They didn't even move. Flinch even. The doctor didn't even see either of them blink. They were like statues.

The doctor frowned. "It's like you don't even care that you're going to die…I've wasted the last four years trying to convince you to let me save your life…and you don't even want it to be saved. Week after week I run all these tests on you…I even bring some of the portable machines out here for you because you wont go to the hospital. I've done everything I possibly can for you-I've gone way out of my way to help you…and you…you don't even care!" The doctor had finally had enough with the two. "Four years of me coming over here every week, running the same tests, and getting the same silence."

No response.

"You think you're both so much better than everyone…well guess what, in a couple of months one of you will be dead and the other will have nothing." The doctor threw Jeff's papers on the floor and stormed out of the room. "In forty years of being a doctor, never have I had such a patient!" He exclaimed to the maid before slamming the front door.

Jeff couldn't help but laugh. A moment later Nick joined the blond. "Only took four years to get him to leave us alone." Jeff said through his laugh.

"I thought he was going to have an aneurysm near the end. Did you see the vein in his forehead?"

"It was about to pop!" The two continued to laugh until they couldn't breathe. As they were gasping for air Nick looked at Jeff and frowned. Jeff noticed. "What?"

"I-it's just…well, as much as I hate to admit it, he was…well, he was sort of right."

"What do you mean Nick?"

"I mean, you need treatment."

"No I don't."

"Jeff…" Nick said, pleading.

"Nick."

"I want you to get better."

"You're acting like the others." Jeff said bitterly.

Nick was taken aback for a moment. "What do you mean?"

"You act like I'm broken."

"Jeff, no I-"

"Nick…C-can we just not talk about it."

"We've spent too long not talking about it." Nick said, taking Jeff's hand into his. "I know that you're afraid, but…but you have to face this. We have to face this…You can't just live your life ignoring this Jeffy." Nick said, looking into Jeff's eyes.

Jeff looked away. "I-I…I thought if I ignored it long enough, it'd go away and things would go back to how they used to be…Everything would be alright again." Jeff said, barley above a whisper. A single tear slid down the blond's face.

"When were things ever alright?" Nick said, pulling Jeff into a tight embrace.

The two didn't speak for some time. Nick just held Jeff tightly as the blond cried. Jeff buried his face into Nick's chest as he began to sob. Finally, after around an hour of crying, Jeff was finally able to stop. "We're messed up…aren't we?"

"Jeff…" Nick said, his heart breaking at the blond's tone. He squeezed Jeff's hands. "It's not our faults…"

"I love you Nick. Never forget that."

Nick smiled softly at Jeff and kissed his forehead. "How could I when you say it all the time?"

Jeff laughed lightly and kissed Nick on the lips. "You never could."

"No, I couldn't. I'd never let myself."

"Not even for a second?"

"Not even for a second."

"How did I become so broken Nicky?"

Nick's heart broke at the blond's words. "Because I didn't protect you well enough."

"It's not your fault."

"Yes it is. I let you get this way. I should have done something."

"There was nothing you could do…"

"I could have done something."

"No you couldn't have. We both know that."

"Jeff…"

"Yes?"

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. Don't ever be."

"We're going to get through this Jeff."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. You're going to get better and this summer we're going to visit the country."

_We spent our entire lives together. Ignoring the outside world. Not letting them in our world. The world that we created for each other. We never needed any one else. We never wanted any one else. We just needed each other. We just wanted each other. We were fine on our own. We learned to take care of each other. We learned to care about no one but each other. We learned to love no one but each other._


	4. Romeo and Juliet

"How are you feeling today?" Nick asked.

"Fine."

"You're lying."

"What makes you think that?"

"You don't look fine."

"Thanks." Jeff replied, sarcastically.

"You look ill."

"I _am_ ill."

"Like you're getting worse."

"Don't talk like that Nick."

"You mean don't talk about _that_."

"That's exactly what I mean."

Nick sighed. "I know you don't like talking about it. I know you like to ignore it. You like to pretend like you aren't sick. And I let you ignore it, which I shouldn't have done. I know that now and I'm not going to let you ignore it anymore."

Jeff looked at Nick slightly in shock. Nick hardly, if ever, spoke to him in such a manner. "What are you planning on doing? Shove my illness down my throat until I suffocate on it?"

"Or until you do something about it. Which ever comes first."

It was Jeff's turn to sigh. "Nick…"

"No. Jeff, I love you and I want you to get better."

"You want me to go to the hospital."

"Yes."

"Then no."

Nick frowned. "Why? Jeff, we went last year…I don't understand why you're refusing treatment all together now."

"I went last year because you drugged my coffee. I didn't have a choice."

"And you don't have a choice this time either."

"You can't just kidnap me again like that."

"I'll do whatever it is I have to for you to get help….to get better."

"Nick…"

"Please Jeff. Please. If you wont do it for yourself then, at least, do it for me." Nick said, grabbing Jeff's hand. "Please."

Jeff frowned when he saw tears forming in the brunet's eyes. "Don't cry." He said, almost whispering. Jeff wiped Nick's tears away with his sleeve.

"I can't help but cry when the only person in the world I care about it letting himself die."

"I'm not letting myself die."

"You act like you have a death sentence Jeff."

"Because it _is_ a death sentence."

"Not if you get help!" Jeff didn't say anything for a minute. An awkward silence filled the air until Nick spoke again. "I love you Jeff."

"I want to get better…for you."

"And I want you to get better too."

"I know." Jeff said, sniffling.

"Then will you get help?"

"I don't want to go alone." Jeff said, looking away.

Nick took Jeff's face in his hands and made Jeff look him in the eye. "I would never leave you. You're my Juliet and I'm your Romeo."

Jeff laughed bitterly. "They both died in the end."

"We should both stop comparing our love to theirs then."

"We really should."

"So, this hospital…"

"You want to go now." Jeff said, already knowing where the brunet was going with his sentence.

"The sooner we get you help the better."

Jeff sighed. "I know."

"Then lets stop talking about it and go."

"Nick?"

"Yes?"

"…I'm nervous…"

"About what?"

"I just….I don't like letting other people into our lives…it's our own private little bubble."

Nick laughed lightly before kissing Jeff on the top of the head. "I don't like sharing you either, but it's for the best."

"Yeah."

"I am glad that you're going to finally get help Jeff."

"I know you are."

"Now, go pack your bags. I'm sure the maid will be glad to see us gone. She'll be able to steal our things easier."

Jeff laughed bitterly. "You know, we should probably put an end to that."

Nick shrugged. "It doesn't really matter though, does it? I mean, we have more than enough already."

"She doesn't deserve it though."

"I know." Nick said as he began helping Jeff pack a bag or two to take to the hospital. About an hour later or so the two were finished.

Jeff sighed. "How long do you think I'll be there?"

"Not too long."

"You're lying."

"I'm trying to make you feel better."

"Nick…"

"Jeff."

"I don't want to go." Jeff said, almost whining.

"I know you don't." Nick said, pulling Jeff into a tight hug. "I'm not going to leave your side while you're there."

"Really?"

"Not even for a minute."

Jeff smiled. "Good."

"Now, come on. The driver is waiting outside." The two went down stairs with Jeff's bags and put them in the trunk of their limo.

"So, finally going to the hospital, eh?" The limo driver said, somehow knowing where the two were going. He had been driving them around their entire lives, eventually he just seemed to pick up on some things about them.

About forty minutes later the limo arrived at the hospital and the driver got out and grabbed their bags. "I called the hospital while you were putting your bags in the trunk. They already have a room ready for you. I even told them what you looked like so they know who they're waiting for." Jeff and Nick didn't reply. They didn't even acknowledge the driver's existence, something the man was already used to. "Want me to come in with you?" The driver's question went ignored by the two. Nick grabbed one bag while Jeff took the other and the pair made their way into the hospital.

The two reached the front desk and a nurse looked up at them. "Name?"

No response.

The nurse looked a little impatient. "Can you not talk?"

No response. Not even a head nod.

The nurse frowned before calling another nurse over. "These two boys here wont _do_ anything."

The other nurse frowned before looking up at the two. "Oh, Mr. Sterling, Mr. Duval. They're fine. They have a room already. Follow me." She said, motioning for the two to follow.

A few minutes later Nick and Jeff were in the room. "I'll tell your doctor that you're here. Your gown is laying on the bed and if you need anything feel free to page us." The nurse said, smiling.

As usual, neither Nick or Jeff gave the nurse any form of response. Her smile faded slightly as she turned around to leave.

"So…we're here." Jeff said, dryly.

"Yes we are." Nick said, just as dryly.

"It's so…white."

"Yet gloomy."

"Kind of like home."

"Kind of like home."

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><p>(A.N: Not my longest chapter but oh well…Hope you enjoyed and sorry I haven't updated this in a little while! It's hard managing two multi-chapter fics! XOXO)


	5. I Promise

(A.N:/ I'm really sorry I haven't updated this in a little while! I've been so busy with my Sebofsky fic that I haven't had time to work on this one! But, I haven't forgotten about this one, I promise. Anyway, like I said, sorry I haven't updated this one in a bit, I'll try not to go too long without updating again (though this fic is actually nearing it's end...Anyway, here's chapter five, I hope you enjoy!)

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><p>A few days passed and Jeff was beginning to grow weary of the hospital. Even though Nick never left his side, the blond was beginning to feel lonesome. All he wanted to do was leave the hospital and die in peace. "Nick?"<p>

"Yes?"

"When are we leaving this place? It's so...dull."

Nick chuckled. "Everything is dull to you."

"Well this place is the dullest."

"I know."

Jeff frowned. "Then why can't we just leave?"

"Because you're sick and this is the only way we can get you the help that you need Jeff."

"I'm going to die either way Nick. Everyone dies at some point...Mine will just be a little earlier then most others."

Nick frowned. "Don't talk like that."

"Like what?"

"So...morbidly."

"I'm not being morbid, I'm being realistic."

"You're acting like you have a death sentence."

"But don't I?" Jeff said, raising his eyebrows slightly. "We all have one. Mine is just a little earlier then the two of us would have imagined."

"Or have liked it to have been..." Nick said, looking away from Jeff.

Jeff sighed and propped himself up in the hospital bed to get a better look at the brunet. "Hey, don't be like that Nick..."

"Like what?"

"So sad. Don't be sad Nick...I'm here, aren't I? I'm staying here...and I will get better."

Nick sighed. "You don't have to lie to make me feel better Jeff."

"I just don't want to see you so upset over something so stupid..."

"Stupid? This is your _life_ we're talking about."

"Like I said, stupid."

"Jeff..."

"Nick, it's alright. I'm here like you wanted. Can we...Can we just drop it. Please?"

"...Yeah..."

The two became silent when Jeff's doctor came in to take a sample of blood. He then left, not saying a word the entire time.

Jeff frowned. "I hate when they do that."

"Do what?" Nick asked, confused.

"Stick needles in me. It's annoying."

"It needs to be done though."

"I know." Jeff replied, sighing deeply. "That still doesn't make it any less annoying though."

Nick laughed lightly and kissed the top of Jeff's head. "I know it doesn't."

"Nick?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I know. I love you too Jeff."

"I know you do." Jeff said, smiling weakly at the brunet. "Nick?"

"Yes Jeff?"

"I have a bad feeling about this place."

"How so?" Nick asked.

"I...I don't know. I just have this feeling that something bad is going to happen..."

"You have that feeling about everything Jeff. It's because you're so negative." Nick said, lightly teasing the boy.

Jeff frowned. "No...It's just...It's...I don't know, it's different...I don't like it. I don't like it here Nick."

"I know you don't but it's for the best. Just...just ignore the feeling. It's probably just because you're in the hospital and you're nervous. Seriously Jeff, don't worry so much. You'll be fine. Just do your best to ignore that feeling...You'll be fine."

"Promise?" Jeff asked, extending his pinky.

Nick laughed lightly before taking Jeff's pinky into his own. "Promise. You'll be fine."

"I...I don't know, it just doesn't feel right Nick. I don't think it's my nerves. Not this time at least."

"I know you don't _think_ it's your nerves Jeff, but it always is. You're just nervous because you're in a new place. Just try to relax. I'm here and I wont leave you. You're not alone, just remember that. If you start to get nervous again just tell me and I'll tell you why you shouldn't be."

Jeff chuckled. "Always telling me what to do."

"And you always listen."

"Because you're smarter than me."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are Nick. Not to say I'm dumb, you're just more intelligent then I am."

Nick shrugged. "Just as long as you don't think you're dumb."

"Oh believe me, I know I'm not dumb. I'm quite aware of how intelligent I am."

Nick laughed. "Good to know."

"I still don't feel right about this place."

"I know you don't. But don't worry, like I said, I'm right here. And I'm not going to leave your side."

"What happens if the hospital security drags you out?"

Nick laughed. "Then I'll beat them up and go right back to you. I wont even let them get me out of the door."

Jeff smiled. "Good. Nick?"

"I know, you love me."

"I just want to make sure you know it."

"Jeff..."

"Nick, we both know it. We both know I'm going to die."

"Yes, you will die. But only because everyone dies. Just because everyone dies doesn't mean that you'll die anytime soon. That doesn't mean that your time is almost up Jeff!"

"But we both know it is Nick. We both know I wont visit the country this summer. I'm stuck here, in this personal Hell, until the day I die. And until that day I can only count the days that go by and hope they end soon."

"Jeff...Don't talk like that."

"I'm only speaking the truth Nick."

"No, you're saying what you think will happen. That doesn't make it true."

"Nick..."

"Jeff, you aren't going to die. I wont let that happen."

Jeff sighed. "You can't control things like that Nick."

"Watch me."

"I'll be watching from Hell...Hopefully I'll have a good enough seat." Jeff said, sarcastically.

"So you're going to Hell? You've already decided?"

Jeff laughed bitterly. "Heaven was never an option for me."

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><p>(A.N: I know it wasn't the longest chapter ever but I only have so much more until the story ends and I wanted to, at least, make another chapter or two. But yeah, the story is almost over...And again, I'm really sorry that I haven't updated in like...twenty-ish days. I'm usually not that bad at updating but I've never tried to manage two multi-chapter fics at the same time and I'm finding myself to be not very good at it...:/ Anyway, I hope you guys liked the chapter! XOXO)


	6. Habits that Clog up my Mind

(A.N:/ Wow, it's been a little while since I last updated this...Sorry, I'm horrible at keeping up with two fics at the same time...Anyway, hope you enjoy! This is actually the last chapter so...There's a trigger warning for this chapter. So...Yeah, enjoy!

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><p>Months past and Jeff was only getting worse. The blond seemed to grow weaker and weaker with each passing day. Jeff pushed up his hair so it wasn't in his face. "Nick..." he said, weakly.<p>

Nick furrowed his brows with concern for the blond. "Yeah, Jeff?"

"...Am I still alive?" Jeff asked, barley able to open his eyes. He had been asking the same question every day for the last month.

Nick placed his hand lightly on top of Jeff's, trying his best not to hurt the blond. It killed him to see Jeff so miserable. He knew how much the blond just wanted everything to be over. He knew how much Jeff wanted to just die. But what killed him the most was always seeing the look of disappointment Jeff had whenever he realized that he was alive for another day. Nick closed his eyes, he couldn't bare to watch Jeff's reaction to what he was about to say. Not again. After a few moments of silence Nick finally replied. "Yes." He said, just above a whisper.

The next sound he heard was a disappointed sigh before Jeff said. "Shit."

"It'll be alright, Jeff." Nick said, more trying to convince himself.

Jeff looked at Nick with pity, though the brunet didn't see it because his eyes were still closed. Jeff knew how upset Nick was that he was dying. Nick was more upset than _he_ was. By this point Jeff didn't even care whether or not he lived or died. It didn't matter to him because as of now he wasn't really living. Just going through the motions of everyday life, waiting for his time to finally come. "Yeah." Jeff simply replied. He knew it wasn't and he knew Nick knew it wasn't going to be alright. Jeff was going to die and there was nothing either of them could do about it. It was just a matter of time.

Nick placed his palm on top of Jeff's, intertwining their fingers as they made contact. Nick finally opened his eyes and looked into the tired, eyes of Jeff. What used to be full of life was now dull and cloudy, like Jeff wasn't really all there. Nick nodded slightly. "Thanks." He said, softly, knowing that Jeff was lying to make him feel better. He took the lie without complaint. He needed it after all.

Jeff nodded and squeezed the brunets hand as tightly as he could, which now, in his deteriorating condition, was barley more than a simple twitch. Nick hardly even noticed the touch. "Nick..." Jeff managed to get out before going into a harsh coughing fit. Nick lightly rubbed his back until he was finished and handed him a glass of water. Jeff took the water and drank a few sips before Nick took the glass back and put it on the end table. "I love you."

"I love you too." Nick said, smiling fondly down at the blond. Jeff had been refusing to undergo chemotherapy for his condition because he thought it would just be a waste of his time and energy. Since he had waited so long before deciding to seek out help chemo would do nothing other than possibly give Jeff a little more time on Earth. It was too late to heal him completely. And because of that Jeff had decided that he didn't want it. If he was going to die, he didn't want to die looking like a cancer patient. But most of all, he didn't want Nick to see him like that while he was on his death bed. He didn't want Nick to watch him suffer.

"Good." Jeff replied, almost a little stubbornly.

Nick laughed lightly at the blond. "It's not like I could stop loving you anyway."

"Nick?"

"Yes, Jeff."

"I..." He paused for a moment, trying to figure out exactly what he wanted to say. Before he gave his brain time to think of a nice speech he blurted out the first string of words that came to his mind. "Nick, I want you to kill me."

Nick was taken back by Jeff's words. Sure, he knew that Jeff wanted to die and had even attempted to take his own life multiple times, but he had never asked _Nick_ to do it for him. "W-what?" He asked, exasperated. He immediately felt bad for his previous tone, not really understanding why he was suddenly sounded so annoyed when it should have been shock in his voice.

"I want you to take this pillow and hold it down on my face until I stop breathing." Jeff said very seriously.

"J-jeff, I can't do that! Not to you. I could never hurt the one I love-"

"I'm in so much pain," Jeff started, cutting Nick off before he had more time to say no. "You wouldn't be hurting me...You'd be helping me. Please Nick, I need to die. I can't do this anymore, I just don't have any strength. I'm going to die in the next couple of days anyway, I just know it. At least let me die with some dignity. I want to die on my own free will."

Nick didn't say anything for a while. He didn't know what _to_ say. He just wanted things to go back to normal. That's all he wanted. After what seemed to be forever Nick finally opened his mouth again. "Jeff..."

"Nick, no. Please. If you don't, I will."

Nick sighed deeply before looking at Jeff. "If you die, I die."

Jeff nodded and smiled sadly. "If you die, I die." He repeated. The two had promised each other when they found out Jeff's condition that if either one of them were to die the other would kill themselves. Neither of the two wanted to live without each other so, to them, it seemed like the only plausible solution. After all, they only had each other. No one else. Neither one of them wanted to be alone. It was the only option.

Jeff handed Nick a pillow. "Don't stop until I'm dead. I'll try not to squirm around so much so it wont bother you."

"Yeah." Nick said, nodding slightly.

"And Nick?"

"Yes Jeff?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"I'll see you in Hell?" Jeff said, smirking a little.

Nick laughed lightly. "See you in Hell." He said as he pushed the pillow in his hands roughly over Jeff's face. Jeff stayed true to his word, he didn't squirm around very much under the pillow. He laid there, calm, as if nothing bad at all was going on. Nick, however, was a completely different story. Tears rolled down his face as he bit his lip roughly to keep any sobs from coming out. Jeff didn't need to last thing he'd ever hear to be Nick crying. He shut his eyes tightly, not able to bear the sight in front of him. A few minutes went by before Nick finally moved the pillow. He finally let out a sob. He was staring at Jeff, only there was no Jeff. Just a hollow shell, a lifeless body. No Jeff.

Nick kissed his lips softly before punching out the window that was next to Jeff's bed. An alarm started going off but Nick ignored it. He grabbed a chunk of the glass and harshly dragged it against his wrists. He did it over and over again until he started to feel light headed. He started to dream of him and Jeff, reunited after what felt like an eternity even though it was just a matter of minutes. The two held each other tightly and then everything went black. There was nothing.

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><p>Nick woke up with his eyes stinging. His body felt tight and everything hurt. All he could see was white and he had no clue what was going on. He tried to get up but he soon realized that he couldn't. He was in a large white room with wires and tubes hooked up to him. "W-what the..." He managed to say before noticing the dry feeling in his mouth. It felt as if someone stuck cotton in it and forgot to ever bother to take it out.<p>

Someone who Nick didn't recognize looked down at him, smiling. "Well, glad to see you're awake Mr. Duval."

"I-I'm alive?" Nick asked, completely confused. He died, he saw Jeff. He slit his wrists. He killed himself. He _died_. It felt strange for Nick to be speaking to someone who wasn't Jeff. He couldn't even remember the last time he did that. It almost felt wrong, like he was cheating on Jeff or something.

"Yes." The person Nick assumed to be his doctor said.

"Jeff..." Nick mumbled to himself. He broke their promise.

"Jeff? Who's Jeff?" The doctor asked, confused.

"Jeff Sterling. The boy I was found with. He was a patient here. He's...he died." Nick replied, eyes beginning to tear up.

The doctor hesitated a moment before putting his hand on Nick's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. "Mr. Duval...when we found you, you were alone, bleeding on the floor."

"No, Jeff was there!" Nick yelled, becoming annoyed.

The doctor sighed before paging a nurse. A moment or two later a nurse walked in, looking up at the doctor, awaiting instructions. "What's wrong?"

"He...He seems to be back on this whole Jeff thing." The doctor said, sounding disappointed.

"Again?" The nurse asked. Nick looked at them in confusion.

"What do you mean _again_?" Nick asked suddenly.

The nurse, who was a lot more blunt than the doctor, turned to Nick. "Honey, Jeff isn't real. There is no one in this hospital named Jeff Sterling. You've been talking about him the last six years or so. You even talk to him sometimes...He isn't real. He's fake."

"He's dead." Nick said, corrected her.

The nurse shook her head. "No. He was never real. You've been here nine years now honey, he's the fifth person you made up. He's just in your imagination."

Nick couldn't believe what he was hearing. It was impossible! Jeff was real! Nick knew it. There was no way he wasn't. He spent his entire life with Jeff, he would have realized it if Jeff was fake. If he wasn't there. Nick shook his head. "No. You're wrong."

The nurse sighed and looked back up at the doctor. "Why was I paged?"

"I...I thought since you've been his private nurse, it might be best if he hear it from you."

She turned away from Nick and spoke in a hushed tone so that the brunet couldn't hear what she was saying. "This is the seventh time I've told him that Jeff isn't real. The last three times I've said something he tried to kill himself. He obviously isn't going to get better...I hate to say it but maybe we should just let him believe that Jeff is real. At least this one isn't trying to get him to burn things like the other ones. Besides, he seemed happier when he was..._talking_ to Jeff...maybe it's good for him."

The doctor frowned a little before turning to Nick. "Nick, how did Jeff die?"

Nick frowned. "So you're finally done trying to play stupid games and try and tell me he's fake?" The doctor just nodded and Nick gave a sad look. "I...I killed him. He asked me to."

The doctor then turned to the nurse. "He may not be burning things but this voice is having him _murder_. I don't care if he killed a fake person, _he_ thinks this Jeff is _real_." He took a deep breath. "But for now, until his wounds heal, let him have his Jeff."

The nurse nodded. "Nick, honey, there's someone here who wants to see you." She said, smiling a little. "It's Jeff."

Nick's eyes lit up when he saw the blond walk through the door. "Jeff!"

The other two in the room watched as Nick's eyes moved, most likely looking at 'Jeff' as he 'walked' closer.

"Hello Nick."

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><p>(A.N: And that's the end. I hope you guys liked the story. :D XOXO)


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